Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School
by Trisyl
Summary: FFBS welcomes you to a world of magic and fanfiction education, where characters you know and love/hate try to beat all the Mary-Sues they can out of you. Introducing the Canon Cannons, Mini Roots, and Brooms of Order! (I apologize for taking so long!)
1. Ten Feet of Paperwork and Other Things

Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:  
  
Disclaimer/A.N.: Trying a break from my usual style of writing, I came upon Camilla Sandman, aka Miss Cam, who made an Official Fanfiction University for LOTR. Great idea! So I "borrowed" her ideas, with her permission, of course. Any good ideas are either hers, or her other borrower's, Meir Brin. Bad ideas and humorless-ness, are mine. I also don't own anything in this fic.  
  
Also, I should probably state that if you wish to enroll in the boarding school, please mention it. Of course you won't, what with Foaly's Canon Cannons. (Pun intended.)  
  
One more thing. If you can't read the stuff that Judy wrote, it's because I meant it to be incomprehensible. Misspellings are intended.  
  
*********************************  
  
Judy grinned slightly as she neared the finish of her first chapter:  
  
'Artemis Finds True Love:  
  
"Like, oh my gosh." Gushd Artemis happily as he gased at the radint beauty. "You are, like, the lovliest girl I've ever seen!"  
  
Carelessly, Sapphire Dreamer Emerald Diamond Selena Legolette Belle lowered her eyelashs. "Oh," she said shily. "Do you realy think so?"  
  
"I do indead!" exclamed Artemis feverentally. "Come and we shal see if I can find a preest at this time of nite."  
  
Author's note: R&R! I kno its a great story & I want reviews!'  
  
'What a great story.' Thought Judy, smirking to herself. She already had plans to get Artemis captured by evil dwarves, and let him find out that Sapphire had elven ancestry. Oh, wasn't it just too bad that not everyone had her kind of talent?  
  
Sighing dreamily, she thought of Artemis Fowl. Black locks, blue eyes, big wallet, brainy, hotness extreme, Irish accent. . Who wouldn't want a guy like that?  
  
After she went through the annoying forms to post her fanfiction on FF.Net, she threw herself onto her bed, laughing softly to herself. She hadn't read much of the books, of course, but she had heard that there were movies coming out soon, and that the boy playing Artemis had the glamour all down to an art. She couldn't wait to see the movie!  
  
"Mmm.. Artemis.." she said to herself, snuggling even deeper into her soft covers. She could almost hear his adorable accent, hear his throaty voice speaking.  
  
"-I told you, it's this way, Julius!" The voice sounded muffled, a casual background beat behind Judy's drool-filled dreams.  
  
"-don't talk like that to me, Mulch, you little reprobate."  
  
"Ex reprobate, Julius." The voice sounded smug. "After all, WHO found the fanfiction?"  
  
"Foaly did."  
  
"Shut up, Julius, I found it first."  
  
"You mean that we caught you in your cell's bathroom trying to type up what seemed suspiciously like a Chix/Holly story. Which, by the way, means that we're holding you responsible for the trauma Captain Short suffered after she saw it."  
  
"You're just jealous of my talent, Julius."  
  
"I am not."  
  
"Shut up, Julius, and fire here."  
  
The annoying voices were silent for a minute. Judy sat up in bed, her heart thumping uncharacteristically loudly. Who was under the house? Cautiously, she bounced off her bed, and began approaching the place where the voices seemed loudest before.  
  
Suddenly, a beam of green light shot through the floor. Judy jumped back, screaming for dear life. Oh, why weren't her parents home yet?!  
  
There was some grunting underground, and Judy mustered up all of her cowardice, and thrust it away. Stepping up to the hole in the ground, (which was still smoking) she peered into it.  
  
Immediately, a scroll was thrown up, hitting her on the forehead. She fell over, and lay flat on the floor, quite still, in case more D.P.M. came up. (Dangerous Paper Missiles.)  
  
After around five minutes, she finally sat back up, looking quite bemused, and immediately, her mind turned to the scroll. Hesitantly, she opened it, and found the following form:  
  
My most disgusting Correspondent, (a.k.a. Judy Lee)  
  
My colleagues and I have recently realized of a place called FanFiction.Net. This place may seem familiar to you in the fact that our records say that you write there often, in a section titled Artemis Fowl. Normally, I would be flattered (or perhaps dismayed) that such a prestigious site bore my name, but we have discovered the disgusting stories that lie beneath. In order to correct such horrendous mistakes such as this, we have invited you to attend our fanfiction education facility, also known as Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School.  
  
That is to say, if you don't want a certain reprobate dwarf to poison your house with tunnel waste, and you wish to keep writing, you will attend this school. We characters are here to teach you exactly how to change your Bad Fic into Good Fic. When you graduate, you will be able to continue to write fanfiction, after you've earned the Fowl License. Failure/ Refusal to attend results in permanent expulsion from the Artemis Fowl section. Please fill out the following form so that we shall be able to make your stay an educational one.  
  
Term begins tomorrow.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Artemis Fowl, Holly Short, Julius Root, Foaly (the last name was incomprehensibly scrawled), Mulch Diggums.  
  
Judy stared at the letter. This was ridiculous! Idiotic! Any idiot knew that Artemis Fowl didn't exist, although that was a bit of a waste. But there was still more. A ten-foot long form dominated most of her room, and she gawped at it, a bit despairingly. Finally, she laughed at herself. What a great joke! Someone drilling through her home to throw her this form . . Obviously, she must be special to someone, then. The least she could do was fill out the form.  
  
Name: Judy Lee  
  
Gender: Female  
  
Race: Elf/Mud Human (here there seemed to have been a bit of a struggle as Mud Man was crossed out, and Human put on top of it.) Judy chose Elf. Hey, it was her form!  
  
And so on. Most of the paperwork was an agreement six feet long, which Judy scrawled her signature at the bottom of.  
  
What type of fiction do you usually write? Romance.  
  
I have read the books how many times? 0.25  
  
What is my favorite character and why? Artemis Fowl, cuz he sounds so hot!  
  
There were about 100 more questions like that, but Judy diligently answered them all. Finally finished, she tiredly used the thick scroll as a pillow, and fell asleep on the floor.  
  
Immediately, a blue Plothole appeared out of nowhere, into her room. Trisani stepped out of it, her red hair already frizzing with sweat. She groaned as soon as she saw Judy. "Do we absolutely have to take her?" she demanded of her three- foot tall companion.  
  
Holly glared up at her. "I don't know what YOU care about, Mud Girl." She informed her accompanying person, "But I am, frankly, sick of seeing those stupid stories about me and Chix, me and Artemis, Juliet and Artemis. And we are going to teach all of them."  
  
"But why doesn't Artemis come and do his dirty work himself?" demanded Trisani.  
  
"One word." Replied Holly, shuddering slightly. "Butler."  
  
"Good point." Conceded Trisani. They promptly hefted Judy up and threw her through the plot hole. 


	2. The First Day is Not Always a Good One

Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing of anything in this fic, although all the un-funny moments belong to me. Miss Cam and Meir Brin can take the credit for everything, except Foaly's Canon Cannons (which he is **STILL** working on, despite the six months I've given him. *aims a well-placed glare towards Foaly*), which is still coming up. Blame the centaur, and don't forget the rotten apples. Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 2: The First Day is Not Always a Good One  
  
Judy woke up to the sweet sound of birds outside her window, and several ice cubes in her shirt.  
  
Waiiiit.. Back that up.. Rewind the stupid videotape, and play it again, Sam. ICE CUBES?!  
  
She jumped out of bed, and almost crashed into several smirking girls, who were about two feet, eleven and a half inches. Exactly the same as her.  
  
"WHAT THE FREAK?!" she screamed at them, and added several expletives that should not be said in a PG fic. She frowned. Her voice sounded rather echoey, and there was a strange metal-like weight on her head.  
  
"This was the only way you'd wake up." One of them said, removing the pail from her head, looking far too innocent for it to be plausible. "And we have to be down at the assembly.." she checked the clock in their dorm with a casual glance. "Right about now." She added in satisfaction.  
  
The fairy girls each went out, sneering to themselves in satisfaction. Judy cursed her luck. Why today, of all days? She reached for a drawer to put her clothes on..  
  
And suddenly her brain kicked back in.  
  
She sat on the floor in surprise, wincing at the impact when she missed, and sat on the bed instead. According to her brain, Judy had just been transported into Artemis Fowl World..  
  
Complete with Artemis Fowl, total Irish hottie.  
  
"Oh. My. God." With these short but descriptive words, Judy began screaming, immediately stopping when she realized that she sounded like a fangirl.  
  
'You ARE a fangirl, Dumbo!' sneered her brain, but she wasn't paying any attention to it at the moment. Instead, Judy was searching through all her drawers for clothes to wear, anything that would be fancy enough to impress Artemis..  
  
Of course, she reasoned, that was the way it was supposed to work. She had to save him from something.. Something really important and vital, and, if possible, really, really dangerous, or at least kinda scary looking. Possibly the Brazil Government...  
  
Dismissing that thought, Judy finally came out, knee deep in nylon stockings, and with one fuzzy pink sweater. It was, in addition to the most eye-catching piece of clothing she owned (not including her favorite pair of lacy underwear), also the most expensive. Why, she had spent $150 getting it!  
  
She put it on. It covered all of her, and still had room for her feet, even when she put it over her head.  
  
The clock chimed, even though it was electronic, but Judy ignored it, until she heard the intercom crackling on.  
  
"ATTENTION ALL MUD KIDS, ER, I MEAN, STUDENTS," it boomed in a loud tone of voice. There was some scuffling in the background, that sounded somewhat like 'Mud Man!' and 'Midgety twit!', spoken in a distinctly elfish female's voice. But the one with the microphone coughed, made a smoke- sucking noise, and continued. "ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS, PLEASE REPORT TO THE AUDITORIUM. IF YOU HAVE NOT FOUND YOUR WAY THERE BY THIS TIME, YOU WILL BE CAUGHT AND SACRIFICED IN THE SUN RITUAL BY THE MINI-ROOTS. IF YOU ARE STILL DRESSING BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE BEING PRETTY TODAY, YOU WILL ALSO BE CAUGHT AND SACRIFICED IN THE SUN RITUAL BY THE MINI-ROOTS. ATTENTION ALL STRAY STUDENTS, PLEASE ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE." Here the speaker chuckled. "YOU WON'T HAVE MUCH LEFT."  
  
Judy ignored the voice. It was probably just bluffing about the sacrifice and stuff. After all, not a lot of stuff happened in Artemis Fowl's books. All he did in the first book was sit around and look at computer screens. She ignored the little voice in her head reminding her that she had skipped over everything BUT the computer screen scenes, for whatever reason, it didn't know.  
  
(It should be getting rather obvious at this point that Judy uses her hormones more often than her brain.)  
  
But suddenly, she heard a rumble behind the doors of the dorm. It got louder and louder. Judy squeaked, and jumped onto the bed, frozen in a springboard diving position. And then the doors burst open.  
  
In swarmed millions (or what seemed like millions) of stout little men, all red faced, all yelling, all smoking noxious cigars, and all with a gleaming triple-acorn badge pinned to their uniform. Only they certainly weren't sounding like anyone she'd ever known. They just kept repeating one word, over and over, as she was dragged by her (itchy) furry pink collar to the way she now knew was to the Auditorium.  
  
"SA-CREE-FY-CEES! SA-CREE-FY-CEES!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trisani winced in fellow sympathy as yet another Mini-Root Tribe stormed by. Holly noticed the direction she was looking, and shuddered again, although not for the pink- shirted victim.  
  
"Stupid Mud Girls.." She muttered. "Think they can just sneak off to meet Artemis themselves, and rescue him from danger.. Ha! Like danger will materialize out of nowhere, so they can rescue him from it. If they do their heroine act ONE more time, and I will throttle someone. By hand, if Root's taken my Neutrino again."  
  
Noting that fangirls were a touchy subject with Holly, Trisani deftly changed the subject. "So, where did you get all those Mini-Roots?"  
  
Holly snorted, this time with amusement evident in her hazel eyes. "There's only the one. The rest are just illusions."  
  
"WHAT?!" demanded Trisani loudly, almost falling over. "I was nearly MAULED by one tribe this morning while getting out of bed! Are you telling me that that's just the ONE?!"  
  
Now Holly looked as if she were about to laugh. "You should use the invisibility shield, like the rest of us." She commented lightly, as they strolled towards the auditorium.  
  
Trisani looked stunned. "What, all of you?"  
  
"Well, whenever we see or hear students coming.. Artemis can do it by instinct now." Holly grinned, a roguish streak showing very definitely in her. "Amazing what a healthy fear of fangirls can do to you."  
  
"OK, OK, enough on that subject. Who's making the speech, by the way?"  
  
Holly smirked. And for anyone who doesn't know, a smirking Holly is a fearsome sight. It is second in "terrifying-ness" to none, save the "I'm demoting you to the guy who cleans bathrooms with a TOOTHPICK" act by Commander Root.  
  
"You are."  
  
*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Much thanks to Ardil the Traveler, no name, Meshdo, Eleida, Kitty Rainbow and Blue Yeti, who were really nice about the whole thing being based off of OFUM. 


	3. wwwOpalKoboiIsPatheticcom?

Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing of anything in this fic, although all the un-funny moments belong to me. Foaly has finally decided to grace us with his presence and his invention, which he will pop up as soon as he patents it, the idiot. Like someone's going to steal it.  
  
For those of you who don't know, tanning frames are NOT the popular way to get that healthy burnt cookie glow in your skin. Tanning frames= tanning racks= little frames used to stretch animal skins on.  
  
And Kitty Rainbow, I'm sorry that I just took advantage and filled out your form for you. You'll be elf-girl, and I'll be controlling you. If you don't like what I'm doing, you can always tell me, and I'll substitute you for someone else.  
  
Review Thanks go out to Kitty Rainbow (of course), slime frog, PsychoDude (twice), chocobblgum, digi-girl13, Dreamy- eyes, nameless, bored2death, Liliane Evyl, Yukina, and Godforsaken. For those who do want to sign up and didn't use the form, it'll be in the reviews section of this fanfic. K? Now on with the fic!  
  
Chapter Three: www.OpalKoboiIsPathetic.com  
  
Groaning, Judy woke up for the second time in the same day, with dust motes trailing and clinging desperately for dear life, down her furry pink shirt. She tried her favorite morning greeting, which was usually something along the lines of, "Hey there, sunshine! Isn't it a fine day?" or if she saw a particularly hot guy, "GROO!!" Instead, what she actually said seemed to be along the lines of..  
  
"Mmmph!"  
  
She spat out the rope that some smart aleck had stuffed into her mouth, and immediately felt things on her hands and feet tighten. Spitting out the rope also meant that the rest of her woke up, causing the nerves in her arms and legs to run to her screaming: "OH THE PAIN!!! OH THE HORROR!!! SAVE US FROM THE STUPID TANNING FRAME!"  
  
Something nudged her in the ribs, and she shrieked in surprise, noting that her yell seemed to be coming across louder than usual, even for her. Finally, she opened her eyes and blearily saw the other elf-girls who were "hanging around" on the tanning frames, also taking note of her companion, the girl who was probably the one who nudged her in the ribs.  
  
"I'm Kitty Rainbow, and I write Holly/Juliet fanfiction! They make suuuuch a good couple, don't you think? Artemis doesn't really deserve either of them, they should sooo be together!" she hissed, eyes sparkling, "Who are you?"  
  
"I'm Judy," Judy replied softly, although she didn't bother to address the earlier comments. They were too scary for belief. And then, added virtuously, for good measure, "I'm Artemis Fowl's girlfriend. Or I will be, as soon as he gets here." Getting into the rhythm of her lying, she continued. "Those stupid barbaric beasts are gonna get a good thrashing as soon as my Arty gets 'em! Or rather," she corrected herself, "as soon as that whathisname-guy who's really strong gets 'em!"  
  
Kitty looked slightly admiring, slightly doubting, and slightly jealous, all mixed up, and Judy felt proud of herself. At least she'd warded another girl off from her Arty! Arty. She drooled to herself, but she never got a chance to continue her little rant, because at that moment, it seemed to her that everything began happening at once.*^ (Check at the bottom of the chapter for what those mean.)  
  
BANG!!!  
  
"Ouch."  
  
Judy swung around to, in a way, face whoever had dealt her the blow on the head, and saw a little Mini Root, wielding a broom. It would have been almost amusing, except now she felt several strands of hair floating past her to land on the floor with a gentle thump. She glared at the little Root.  
  
It seemed to be speaking, too.  
  
"Dunna cumma closer! Mini Rooty hasa broomy!" It called up to her, smirking slightly, waving the weapon in question at her. She attempted to swing closer, perhaps to deal it with a good kick on the head, but then.  
  
BANG!!!  
  
Several more strands fell to the floor. Judy felt extremely annoyed.  
  
With that last final whack, the Mini Root departed, cackling evilly. "Mini Rooty likey stooopid ugly girly!" he called at her, waving his noxious fungus cigar in his enthusiasm.  
  
"Why you-" Judy began, and would have started on her tirade of swearing (that would have immediately been censored, but that was beside the point), but the loud ringing stopped her in her tracks. She would have ignored it, but it was getting in her ears.  
  
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION!" boomed a loud voice from the stage. Immediately, all the tanning racks swerved to point their residents towards the stage. The few teenagers (who were all male, by the way. Apparently only non-fangirls had survived the onslaught of traps.) that had managed to get to the Auditorium sans tanning racks smirked and waved at the tanning-racked. Already Judy could hear several girls planning to get them with paintballs.  
  
Waiiit. Did the Underground have paintballs?  
  
Damn.  
  
The person on stage was a redheaded girl who didn't look much older than the rest of the students. She coughed slightly. "If you hadn't noticed before, this is Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School (and for all those sick minded people, no, we do *not* mean *Foul* in THAT way. Kindly do not spoil our minds) and you are here to be taught the art of FanFiction!" She beamed slightly; adjusting her glasses, and continued.  
  
"There are no electives, all courses must be taken, so we'll get on with listing them! There's, of course, How to Be a Decent Villain, taught by..."  
  
Now she sounded absolutely preppy, and Judy caught herself whispering to Kitty, "What an absolute load of-"  
  
She was cut off when a whack landed on her head. It felt heavy. It felt wooden, with straws in it. It also felt like it was stuck to her head.  
  
"Broom of Order." Kitty read with fascination. "We do not take responsibility for broken brain cells when using this product. Contact us at broom_of_order@foalytotallyrules.com or see our website at www.opalkoboiispathetic.com."  
  
The girl on the stage looked even smugger. "That would be a Foaly Invention." She informed her audience, who were all hastily hushing each other up. "He's working on a new one for the rest of us, so don't bother any of the staff, because these have been designed to stop you. Now.," she droned on and on. Judy felt bored, and yawned.  
  
Immediately, several hundred straw bristles attempted to stuff themselves down her throat. Ugh.  
  
Having finished her speech, Trisani turned to her fellow staff members, some of which were hurriedly climbing up the curtains. "Do you have anything to say?" she asked them hopefully. Her face just screamed: "Say something and GET ME OFF THIS STAGE!!"  
  
Finally, one of them sighed, and came out, wincing as the stage lights struck his pale skin, illuminating him in a brilliant glow. Artemis Fowl.  
  
There was a moment of shock, and immediately, Judy felt herself begin to chew on the ropes on her tanning rack. So did several other girls. As the boy genius opened his mouth to speak, the tanning rack ropes broke, and all the fangirls rushed towards the stage.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
*At the risk of sounding really clichéd, "after lengthy deliberation, philosophers have concluded that the shortest period of time for everything to happen is a thousand million years.  
  
^Kitty continued talking without interruption from Judy after her introduction.  
  
~Both these fixies are put in, in the name of the honorable Blue Yeti, who will make her mark as the Thundera Tiger of FFBS, along with.. well, other people. You'll see. ^_* 


	4. Why Glomping is Not Common for Artemis F...

Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:  
  
Disclaimer: This fic does not belong to me, only the criticism from everybody, which definitely helped a lot. Foaly's Canon Cannons belong to Foaly, not Opal Koboi. Any characters in here are real, and belong to themselves (or at least, someone else). And I corrected all of my mistakes in the past chapters. Thanks to Blue Yeti and Stardust Firebolt for pointing them out!  
  
Also, yes I do realize that this chapter is unusually obscene, for someone like me, but I felt we needed to face all those little REALLY obscene A+H stories. If you want an example, I could name you four, but three have been taken down. (Blue Yeti, that'd be a reference to you.)  
  
Why Glomping is Not Common for AF:  
  
Trisani glared balefully at the students, her foot tapping impatiently. There was now total silence, in contrast to the fangirl screams there had been a moment ago. And the screams weren't all due to Artemis, either. Trisani smiled to herself smugly in satisfaction. "And I hope you're smart enough never to attempt that again." She snapped at the students, "Or do you think I've never consulted Miss Cam about OFUM and standard fan girl procedure? When will you people learn that we are not all stupid and glompable?" She turned to help Artemis up, but Butler and Juliet were already doing so, shooting the fangirls extremely dirty looks.  
  
"Shall I go take care of them, Master Artemis?" Butler queried tensely, his eyes gleaming with the prospect of 'punishment', but was shoved out of the way by an extremely concerned Juliet, who tossed her shining hair before speaking, her glittery eyelashes fluttering up and down like a pair of mating butterflies.  
  
"Get out of the limelight and quit hogging the center stage, big bro! I can take care of Arty myself you know!" Juliet was extremely firm on that subject. "Besides, Principal Colfer says that you're gonna be sent out of business just next book, so, like, let me take care of things for once! You never let me do an-y-thin-ga!" Her voice stretched into a wail of annoyance. Butler attempted to make her be quiet and listen to him at the same time, which only resulted in her screaming louder. Several windows broke under the impact of her voice.  
  
Meanwhile, as his bodyguards argued with each other, and finally, began to wrestle for it, Artemis was still drowning in an extremely large pool of drool. He was finally rescued by Holly, who was apparently the only one paying attention to the situation. (The mini-Root was having his hands full keeping the female students from magically reviving themselves and shouting "I will rescue you, Arty-poo!!!!!")  
  
"Mud Boy, er, Artemis, are you all right?" the fairy captain asked, and Trisani watched in fascination. They were having a polite conversation! This was truly a notable event, especially since she could recall exactly when yesterday they'd been having an argument. And the day before that. And the day before that. And the day before that. Her eyes glazed over as she counted how many days she could recall. Meanwhile.  
  
"I'm fine." Artemis attempted a casual pose by dusting his clothes off. Instead, drool came off of his suit, and he wrinkled his elegant nose in disgust. "Thank you for your timely rescue, Captain. You may be sure that I appreciate it."  
  
"I expect to be Commander any time soon now." Holly corrected him in a laconically inclined tone, and Artemis would've rolled an eye, had he been an ordinary person with no pride and lineage to speak of. Instead, he settled for a cool, "Indeed."  
  
They would have, without a doubt, continued their polite conversation (although Trisani couldn't see how Artemis could stand being around in drool-filled clothes) had one of the girls not at that moment stood up and just blurted, "Make out already! You still have to find her br-" She was cut off by a Broom of Order coming down on her head. Artemis shook his head regretfully, although in his eyes was the gleam of insanity you get after being chased by multiple fan girls.  
  
"Let us make this clear, my, ah, dear students," He called to the auditorium, where students were lying around in various poses of disgust, and, in some cases, unconsciousness, at being glomped by a Mini-Root, and being bashed by a Broom of Order at the same time. Judy was one of these people, although she immediately woke up at the sound of her darling sweety-pie's voice. "I have never found any of Captain Short's lingerie in my room, nor do I intend to, at any point in time."  
  
"Surrreee." one of the other girls called knowingly. Artemis turned, and his ice-cold gaze zeroed in on the speaker. "You're just saying that so you can comfort her after her ordeal this afternoon, so that tonight you can-" She was cut off by a steaming vat of Grunk poured over her head. (The vat, of course, bore the insignia of Koboi Laboratories) Judy, who was hanging rather unnecessarily close to the speaker, held her breath so that she didn't have to smell any more than she already had. Needless to say, it didn't smell like violets (which would have been bad enough, at the strength of the scent).  
  
"Doesn't that smell bother you?" she tried to hiss in annoyance to her other neighboring tanning rack, which was Kitty Rainbow. Judy groaned and tried to swing farther away. She had no intention of putting up with another speech about how good Holly and Juliet were for each other, but the other girl was far too busy gazing adoringly at the Perfect Picture on the stage, where Holly, inching farther and farther away from Artemis, had come into a faultless standing pose... Right next to Juliet.  
  
An obscenely happy shriek rented the air, and the iron doors opened. In danced a gleeful Foaly, followed by a harassed looking Opal Koboi. "I have completed it!" he shouted over and over again, almost a mantra to give Opal even more of a bothered look than she had already.  
  
"With my help!" she interjected, but Foaly quickly jabbed her out of the way, and cleared his throat. "Limelight please!" he called, and, rising on his hind legs (but shortly fell back onto all four legs. Even centaurs can't defeat their horsey parts), cleared his throat, and snapped his fingers.  
  
Immediately, a large piece of green Jello landed on him, followed suit by a flashlight. After struggling his way out of the lime-flavored substance, he glared up at the sky in protest. "All I ask for is one dramatic moment, and I can't even get that without some stupid Mud Man invention interrupting..." he grumbled furiously, but began to speak loudly again.  
  
"I, Foaly, have completed the Canon Cannons! All hail me (and not that stupid Koboi)!"  
  
A/N: Thanks go out to *takes deep breath* Mage Kitty, Vana Burke, weirdo (twice), (myself), surrealallstar (twice), Skye Firebane, Lord of the Hyren, bored2death, no name (twice), Dreamy-eyes, Tie Kerl (twice), Yukina, Stardust Firebolt (thrice), Blue Yeti (twice), Kaelin, angel-in-disguise, Alara, PurpleMonkey (thrice), janey-the-homocidal-mania, Elfreims Pie, Kyoko-san, Ophelia who is insane, digi-girl13, Mon Key, LeAnne Winter, Sorceress, Spectra16, and Nicole (twice). I love you all.. *hugs everyone* But email me at my email address to sign yourselves up and I eat you.  
  
With much regret do I want to inform the now scattered Escapes fans that Escapes is down. Permanently, or until I can find a way that won't make it sound so scatter-brained. I can't believe I wrote that! Don't worry, I'm working on it, but it'll definitely take a while.  
  
Also, I am well aware that Urple won the most-hated-color race by a long mile, but Urple belongs to Miss Cam, and I would never dare take away her fame. So, you people will have to settle for grunk, mixing green, drool and pink in the best possible way. In the worst sense, of course. 


End file.
